So there's this dog across the street....and by dog I mean Chinese War Chow.....who would have thought big, fluffy animals could be so intimidating? I swear this diva is still pissed because Stephen King didn't pick him to play "Cujo".... The worst is when it runs and plows into the gate of its yard trying to lunge at me as I walk by. AND the thing only does it at night. I hasn't ever barked. I just hear the bang and then the scratching and the heavy tounge-dangling huffing and puffing. It's like something out of Jurassic Park and is bound to give me nightmares sometime in the near future....just thought I'd share.
On my way to and from work I pass many shops. There are so many little mom and pop restaurants on my street that it's a wonder they can all afford to stay open! There's a shop JUST for clocks and watches...talk about a specialized market! But most of all, right before I get to work is the butcher shop. There's this guy there that is built and in his twenties with a Bieber swoop and earings in his ears. I say all this to say that he is not the kind of guy you would see mutilating half-frozen roadkill all day. Its most hilarious when one can often see him doing the "Korean body pump" (as I've been calling it...refer to earlier posts) bobbing his Bieber bowl-swoop to the beat of the K-POP he blasts from the store loudspeakers. You can hear the music down the block! I really think he's got to be related to the owners if not their son just tryin' to not pay rent or save money. No one that metro jams with livestock carcasses all day and truly enjoys it.
Gay is only in the movies here...got groped at the club again. I was wearing my neon-green polo that glows under black-lights (chuckle if you know which one that is!) at the club a while ago...you know...if you're gonna stick out like a sore-thumb you might as well make it one that looks like it has gangrene : P and after a few cheers from grabby strangers at the club, I decided to dip-out! I'm all for attention, but hell---buy me a drink first!
Not to mention a guy at church pinched my disappearing love handles and asked me if I was working-out. Why yes, I am, but do you have to grab up on me? I know the lines are different here, but seriously...
As I was leaving the club that night someone's hand landed on the small of my back...totally intentional, like it was a slap...thanks Korea, I know I'm exotic! Went to the next club which I thought was a little classier...which it was, but it was a different kind of fascination they had for me.
Because I look foreign people stare. But that also means that they aren't quick to forget your face. Which means I usually make friends with the right (or wrong) people quickly. And, just like my students at Monroe Middle, people here often think I'm Cuban or Dominican before they say I'm black....or they just outright say "So what are you?"......I love it... I actually played into the role of a Cuban guy to get into a club for free as an foreign athlete here to compete in the Daegu Track and Field Champs in Sept. here....: ) : )..don't judge......Anywho, I ended up at CLUB PASHA....it just sounds fancy. Its one a big ole room with a DJ "altar" at the deepest part. There's plenty of room to move here usually and the AC is usually blasting....not to mention there's a girl-to-guy ratio of two to one always....no seriously they make sure of it with bouncers outside. Anywho, I was out with the Russian friends this time. I was fun to dance with them because they are all professional dancers who dance different styles and you can really see it come out at the dance club. I was doin' my thing with my hands in the air. The music was so loud it was numbing to the point where I could forget about things for a second. When I came to, I realized I was being watched. Not only that, I looked over my shoulder and people were imitating my "American" dances moves...they laughed friendishly and mimicked my every move. They asked me why was I dancing so low to the ground??.....because in America dancing has evolved into the thing right before damn close to having sex...that's why. HOW SETH GOT HIS BLACK CARD BACK.
After the club there's always the after-parties and the bars that stay open till dawn. There I met some guys who were here as journalists. They were from Texas. One was my age. Turns out he was a tenor-voice music education major and took the job he has now right after he graduated because it was giving him a chance to travel and do something he loves, sports reporting. We had a lot in common, including feeling a little guilty about leaving the fold that music majors make around themselves. He mentioned how shocked people were, we had parallel stories it seemed. I just happened to be hanging out with the Russians at the same time. The Russians wanted us to pick out a truly American beer for them to drink.......naturally I picked Corona....I mean lets be serious....Bud Diesel is not Kosher.
On a real note for a tic: It's sad to think I will never see those random Americans ever again...its ok Seth, even though you remember their first names (Jason and Matt)...you can't get attached. They will never know that they were mentioned in this blog. And, after all, you're leaving soon enough too Seth.....damn...that's kinda rough to think about.
Club Pasha, same night. Dancing with one of the Russian ballerina girls and she seemed to be lovin' it. Then she grabs my love handle and snarls in mocking disgust. She yells "that's McDonalds".........STAB.......I was taken aback at first. But then come to find out as we're walking out of the club she says something and then proceeds to SINK HER NAILS INTO THE FAT OF MY BACK while grunting something coarsely at me in Russian.....one guy translates it to me and says "man, she says you are 'like BEAR' and that you should start working out"..............OK....so Im not like the slim dancer-boys you're used to girl....I get it....damn.
Why the hell do I wanna watch Bones if you blurr out all of the gore during the autopsies! They blurr out people smoking cigarettes, gunshot wounds, and stabbings but they can watch "The Walking Dead" with no problems and they don't censor out "Where all my fucking alcoholics at" at a family amusement park?!?!?!? Ps. that was a highlight of my life here in Korea so far:
Seeing two very dangerously small kids ride the swinging Viking boat at WOOBANG LAND (funny name for an amusement park right? damn I miss Roller Coaster Tycoon!) and cheering to Lil' John......of course they didn't understand the lyrics and neither did their parents. They just loved knowing it was English....if you even wanna say that Lil' John uses real English.
AND--I did hear my first "beep" sensor on a Korean talk-show though...I wonder what he said?? It's not like home where you can put pieces together and guess what curse word was used.....oh its the little things in life
"Dirty Jobs" is always on here on "Discovery Channel Korea". Most of the shows are BBC ones or shows with British hosts. "Mythbusters" is on too. The reason I mention Discovery Channel is the choice of music for the show "Deadliest Catch". In MURRICA, the show boasts a macho manly "Dead or Alive" theme song. Here, I was shocked to hear a rather wimpy.....well..to put it bluntly...pussy-ass alternative-song to go with these tough guys throwing things overboard while fighting off the waves. Man, the ideas of what is "man" and what is "woman" are different all over the world!
The best are the Buddha mediation "200 repentance" channels right next to the Catholic mass channels. These are followed by the "Yo Gabba Gabba" of Korea channels for little kids where they are taught how to meditate. How cool is that? "Little Bobby can't come out to play right now, he's in his room meditating!"
Last things:
I saw my first tranny here.....he/she has business in my neighborhood. It was just weird because guys here are feminine anyway....this actually looked like a guy more than a girl??? I dont even know how to explain it....
A student of mine asked me: "Teacher, what is Judo?"....of all of the teenage Asians in the room, no one knew what Judo was...wow........just wow.......
Trying to keep up with the story reel....ahhhhh forgive me for rambling. I'm writing as fast as I can so I don't forget all the things I want to share! Whats the point of a cool experience when there's no one to share it with right??
Chicken Grease,
~CP
Ps....Does my obsessive use of ellipses (ellipsi?) mean that I scared for anything too final like a ( . )? Discuss.
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